I'm going insane!

School started formally last Tuesday. So I'm back to school--this means I would be not blogging that much again which makes me sad!! Less time with M and H...and myself! :(
The RN program that I am a part of seems really tough! Getting into it was already hard and comprehensive as a selection committee had to choose the top students. I am into a small community college which covers a large area - (I have classmates who drives 1 hour one way just to be in school so I am so blessed that it takes me less than 10 minutes to be here). Now that I am here, I am seriously having second thoughts. I told my husband about it and he said that if I really do not want to do this, all I have to is say "I quit" and he is fine with that. Then I thought, why would I quit when I have worked hard doing my pre requisites in order for me to be accepted in the program? I don't want to give up on my dream of becoming a nurse someday! Then, do I really want to be a nurse? These feelings came after we had our nursing orientation last Tuesday. After that, I started dreaming of my old banking days! Seriously, every night I would dream of me in my blazer attire, shoes with about 2 inch heels, a flattering skirt, with a fab bag! You may call it the corporate attire! I love what I did before! Now, I have to wear scrubs and rubber shoes to be on the go! I have worked for a decade in a wonderful bank and it was something I'd do again if ever I come back home to the Philippines. Now that I am trying to get a different career, a health career move like nursing thought to be a good one for me (with the husband making pilit- he doesnt like the idea that he pushed me to this) ! This one I am in is an entire new career and I have to admit that a part of me makes me sad! Again, I told my husband about it! He concluded that maybe I am a bit overwhelmed with all the information I had to take this first week! And all the assignments that I had to do and all the quizzes that I need to take! Plus my son's potty training, our meals, etc. Bilib nga ako sa mga doktor talaga! How can they handle that amount of knowledge and apply it to their patients? And the pharmacists, ang hirap intindihin ng mga gamot noh..
The very kind hubs offered to do my chores like cooking and laundry but I just could not let go of my chores at this time! I had my Friday off from school and I ended up cleaning and making our house in order! When H got home, he was shocked to find that the house is clean and asked me why can't I let go and trust him to do all our chores? I even cooked 2 meals so I will not have to do some cooking this weekend! He then told me to just stop from whatever I was doing and for the three of us to have dinner some place else. I told him I've already cooked! He said no and insisted that we need to get out of the house!
So H, M and I went out on a Friday night. He wanted to eat in a vietnamese restaurant but it was not kid friendly so we ended up eating at a chinese restaurant - the Panda ! (How i love their sesame seed balls) and my cooked meal ended up in the ref! Afterwards, we went to Home Depot and Office Depot as he wanted to make a great study place for me! An office chair costs around $100 and I said there is no way that I will buy that chair! I am fine studying in my kitchen nook! He insisted that we buy that and that he cannot wait to start his next project! I said, I need to go to school tomorrow to study for pharmacology! So how can you do your woodworks? He said he'll find a way to babysit M and still do his project! So we bought the pieces of wood and some more stuff for the study area project! I have studied for the last year and a half without that study area thingy..i do not know why H thinks we should have one now!
Still, I'm here and wondering why in the world would I want to become a nurse? I know that I wanted to become one before I started but now that I am slowly getting into my dream, I find myself asking that question..Why? I need to find the answer real quick!